


the way i loved you

by vigorous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes Reconciliation, I didn't hurt them too much, M/M, POV Kageyama Tobio, tiny kageyama character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26428891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vigorous/pseuds/vigorous
Summary: Tobio is not a creature of confrontation. He tries his hardest to avoid it; he hates how he needs to take every piece of information the person confronting him gives and lull it over in his brain. How he has to dissect it carefully then come up with an adequate response that is satisfactory. He can't do that now, obviously. Not when it's raining very hard and especially not when Akira looks like he's crumbling before him. The thing about his ice boy is that he'd built him up to be solid like the ice of the Arctic. An ice mountain, if you will. Undeniably sharp and of unfathomable strength. It never once crossed his mind that he'd see him come undone like this. He didn’t think he’d see him crumble before him and crash into the ocean.In which Kageyama Tobio meets his ex-boyfriend, Kunimi Akira to melt the ice.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Kunimi Akira
Comments: 14
Kudos: 19





	the way i loved you

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy reading this. it's my very first fic and i'm quite nervous but here goes nothing.  
> this is based on taylor swift's song off of her sophomore album. the song is "the way i loved you". you can listen to it here.

Tobio didn’t expect to see Akira - no, _Kunimi_ \- at the grocery store tonight. He shoved his hands into his pockets and put his head down, all the while trying to ignore the incessant, loud and piercing beating of his heart. 

He shouldn’t be having this reaction. Not when he and Kunimi hadn’t seen one another in more than half a year, not when he’d already convinced himself that they were not meant for each other and especially not when Tobio had Shouyou. 

Shouyou who's perfect in every sense. Shouyou who comforted him and understood him, who laughed when Tobio seemed to be in a bad mood because, "I know you love my laugh, Tobio!" He was right, of course. Hinata Shouyou's laugh, his head tilted and his eyes closed could cheer anybody up. He was a warm summer day, personified.

Tobio walked briskly to the dairy products fridge, praying to whatever deities that were listening to please protect him from the icy boy he had loved once upon a time. 

"Kageyama-kun?" A voice came from behind Tobio. He jumped a bit, then slowly turned around to come face-to-face with his boyfriend from middle school. 

Tobio was going to have to have a few words with the deities, that's for sure. 

Pouting slightly, Tobio said, "Hello, Kunimi-kun." He refused to look the boy before him in the eye, instead choosing to focus on his Seijoh track jacket. He must've just gotten done with practice. 

"Yeah, hello. Buying milk?" Kunimi asked. Tobio tried not to get too distracted with how deeper his voice had gotten since the last time they had seen each other after their match at the last Spring High preliminaries. He nodded in response to Kunimi, then quickly picked a carton of milk. He didn't have time to mule over his options like he usually did. 

"It was nice seeing you here, Kunimi-kun," Tobio said as he was passing the taller boy. 

Then, a tender hand on his elbow and, "How about we go get milkshakes instead? You can have your milk some other day."

Tobio felt that he should refuse Kunimi's offer but a part of him wanted to see him eye strangers on the street with that blank look on his face and mutter something just a little too mean under his breath. Only for Tobio to hear.

"Okay."

★

Kunimi kept bumping into Tobio on their way to the cafe they used to frequent. They used to swing their hands between each other, telling stories about school. That was only when they weren't at each other's throat, of course.

To Tobio, the biggest difference between his relationship with Shouyou compared to Kunimi came in the calmness the short middle blocker instilled in him. Not only on the court but when Shouyou was around him, be it in Tobio's room or on a date, it was almost like time passed slower.

With Kunimi however, it was different. They were messier and louder. One second they were screaming at each other, the other pressing kisses on each other's foreheads in the gym after the rest of the Kitagawa Daiichi volleyball team members left.

"How are you guys preparing for the Inter High prelims?" Kunimi asked, once again bumping his shoulder with Tobio's. 

Tobio looked to his right to glance at Kunimi. "Oh, we're preparing well. Ennoshita's a very good captain."

"Yahaba is also pretty good, though he and Kyoutani do sometimes butt heads. Sometimes it feels like Watari's the one keeping the team together." 

Tobio smiled. It was nice hearing Kunimi talk about his teammates fondly. It was less of a shock now than it was when they played at last year's Inter High. The pain of seeing him laugh in the middle of the match was almost paralysing. It was lucky that Shouyou had gotten to him before it became detrimental to his playing.

"Though, don't get any ideas, Kageyama. We'll still beat you guys."

"No! We're going to win, Kunimi!"

Tobio finally managed to look him in the eyes. Akira gave him a big smile before he burst into laughter. Tobio smiled back and suddenly it was much harder to bury the urge to intertwine his fingers with his ex's.

Bad idea. This was a bad idea. They were a bad idea. Plus, he now had his own little sun that melted his ice away. Hinata Shouyou didn't deserve this not when he was so good to him. 

Akira entered the cafe while Tobio waited outside, trying to calm his heart. Just as he remembered he hadn't told him what milkshake he wanted, Akira came out holding one strawberry shake and one chocolate shake. 

"You remembered?" 

He tilted his head, his confusion apparent and then said, "Your order? Yeah I remembered. Hard to forget such a tasteless choice."

Tobio grabbed his drink and pouted. "Chocolate is great. Shut up."

Akira rolled his eyes, small smile decorating his face. They stood outside the cafe, drinking their milkshakes and for a second it almost felt like they were the same boys from their last year of middle school. That wasn’t true though, was it? They were in their second year of high school. They’ve both changed, grown, matured and Tobio even found someone else. 

So why did he miss Kunimi Akira so much? Why did he want to start a fight with him right now? To cup his face right after like he'd done a hundred times before? Was it to feel a love different than what he felt with Shouyou? Something bigger than his body, perhaps?

Tobio didn't like the feeling of being confused. Not one bit.

Akira then jolted him away from his muddled thoughts to say the worst thing possible. "Hey, Kageyama, do you ever think about us?"

He didn't expect that from the unbothered boy with a "I don't care about anything, ever" look that never left his face. Change is a powerful thing, Tobio knew this. He's lived through so many changes, in weather and time and home. Yet this caught him by surprise. He looked at Kunimi Akira then and found that his expression was softer. It was as if spring had finally began to grab hold of his winter boy.

★

After their last match in middle school, Tobio felt betrayed. It wasn't only the betrayal that gnawed at him; he also felt incredibly guilty, ashamed, lonely. Perhaps it was the fact that he didn’t know what to do with these feelings that made him get on his bike at nine p.m. The weather forecast on the T.V screen that told him it would start raining soon didn’t stop him. And why would it? _Rain doesn’t stop boys like us_ , he decided then. 

All he thought of that day was that he disappointed everyone who had ever believed in him: his late grandfather who he still refused to mourn, his sister that left the game to him, his seniors in middle school who he observed to become better, his coach and finally the boys he wished he could call friends and not only teammates.

His hands that should've set to them wrap around the handles of his bike and he pedals faster to the one boy he cared about more than anyone else. The wind blew away his hair and droplets of rain started to fall. He didn't feel any of it; the only thing on his mind at that moment in time was how he should go about salvaging at least this one thing before the boy left him, too.

Back then, he didn't realise it was clearly too late. 

Akira came out to meet Tobio. If he was surprised, it wasn't written on his face. "What?" He huffed out, avoiding looking directly at Tobio.

Tobio took a deep breath. "I want to apologise to you, Akira."

Again, "What?"

"I'm a shitty boyfriend and a shitty teammate and you deserve better."

He still wouldn't look him in the eyes but Tobio noticed that he slouched a bit more. His hands went deeper into the pocket of his hoodie and his frown seemed more pronounced. 

"I'm sorry, for all of it." Tobio had never meant anything the way he meant this apology. Did Akira see that?

It was quiet for a while, the only sound around them was that of the rain slowly hitting the ground. 

Akira looked up from the ground and although his frown was gone, it was now replaced by a blank look. 

"Look, Kageyama." _Kageyama_. "I just think we should break up."

His voice was quieter than usual but to Tobio it rang louder than the thunder rumbling above them. 

He knew he shouldn't have asked but he did anyway. "Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you never tell me anything. Maybe it's because I constantly have to pry you to tell me just the most minute details. Maybe it's because I love you so much that I don't know who I'd be without you. And yet none of that means anything to you." Akira's voice got louder and louder as he went on. His hands were still in his pockets and his bangs stuck to his forehead because of the rain. His eyes brewed a storm just like the weather. “I don’t care about you being the King of the Court or any of that! You’re not only the setter on my team, okay? You’re the boy I love!”

Tobio is not a creature of confrontation. He tries his hardest to avoid it; he hates how he needs to take every piece of information the person confronting him gives and lull it over in his brain. How he has to dissect it carefully then come up with an adequate response that is satisfactory. He can't do that now, obviously. Not when it's raining very hard and especially not when Akira looks like he's crumbling before him. The thing about his ice boy is that he'd built him up to be solid like the ice of the Arctic. An ice mountain, if you will. Undeniably sharp and of unfathomable strength. It never once crossed his mind that he'd see him come undone like this. He didn’t think he’d see him crumble before him and crash into the ocean. 

_I can't tell you about Kazuyo because I can't explain how much he meant to me. I can't tell you about Miwa because she's far away and I don't want to think about her. I can't tell you about how lonely I feel because that's not who I am. I can't express how I feel except for when I'm on the court, setting the ball to you. A beautiful arc that meets your palm. A love letter, from me to you._

He wanted to tell him all this but he couldn’t so he stepped forward to hold Kunimi's hand. Maybe he'll feel the love in his hands. How much he means to him. His fellow ice boy - all rough edges and filled to the brim with love.

Tobio doesn't know why he does what he does. He lifts his head up and plants a soft kiss on Kunimi's forehead. _I'm sorry, Akira._ Can he feel it?

A flash of lightning lit up the world for a quick moment and Tobio thought he finally saw it clearly. This was the end. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Rain doesn’t stop boys like them but other things do. Miscommunication and grief and loneliness that all strike like lightning. 

"I'll miss you, Kageyama Tobio."

"I," he swallowed and willed his tears away. "I'll miss you too, Kunimi Akira."

★

Outside of the café, Tobio saw it again but this time it's clearer. Ice boys, he and Kunimi. They've both started to melt away with the warmth of spring, the promise of tomorrow, the heat of the sun. For Tobio spring was Karasuno and Shouyou. For Kunimi it was Seijoh. 

He realised that he did miss Kunimi, just like he promised. So he decided to let him in, just a bit.

"Yeah I do, sometimes," he said in response to Akira's question. "But I think it was for the best that we said goodbye then. We both seem... happier now." 

When Tobio gazed at Kunimi, he found that he looked a bit shocked. Then, a shameless grin broke out on his face. "You're not going to mention that you're in love with the volleyball tangerine?"

"I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes it is. Can't believe he told you that cheesy line about being invincible when he’s around or whatever during a game."

"I said it first, actually."

At that, Kunimi laughs out loud. "You two are very annoyingly in love. It's hilarious."

"I'm glad we talked again, Akira." He found that he meant those words, just like that kiss he placed on his forehead in the rain.

"Oh? Yeah me, too. I wanted to talk to you to tell you that we'd win but I guess this is fine, too," Kunimi said cheekily. "I'm joking. I just wanted to melt the ice, you know?"

Later that night, when Tobio’s all alone in his room, he decided that love comes in many different fonts. A little like how there are many ways to set the ball. All are equally valid and all should be deeply treasured. He loves Shouyou differently and that's okay. He can think of the past and cherish the present. 

A beautiful arc that meets their palm. A love letter, re-written for every boy he learns to adore.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u to my coolest friends dee and salami for enabling my antics. ily.  
> i hope you enjoyed this. come hang out with me on twitter where i exclusively scream about seijoh :).


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